Who/What am I????

FIRST, SOME DEEP THOUGHT STUFF!!!

Been thinking about this lately.

When we ask ourselves "Who am I?", we normally come up with the answer... "Well, I am Mr so-and-so, aged blah-blah, living in whizz-bang"...... but the trouble is that this ain't a good answer, coz all that stuff means is labels.

Yeah, that line that we use as a reply when we meet someone for the first time, is just a collection of labels..... but think more deep-like, who are you really?

Now, what the hell lead to this deep-thought-inducing question, and why the hell am I including it here. Well, lunchtime today was extremely boring. I forgot to bring any DVDs to watch (currently hooked on the "Firefly" series), the canteen and cafes are full of new students with their parents (it's registration day at the college), so I just logged onto the net, and after reading through a few of my mates Blogs, decided to go on a random Blog-Tour.......... you know, when you click the button top-right that says "Next Blog>>" and takes you to a random Blog........

Well, anyway, amongst the Blogs I browsed through were a shit-load of Spam Blogs which automatically whizz you off to some e-page either marketing their products (which no-one wants to buy, you jerks - get a life), or to Porn sites......... (no good when I'm at work *sigh*).........

The other majority of Blogs were ones by everyday people, just like you and I...... well, maybe just you (I ain't normal, or so my mates tell me!! *grin*), pouring out their hearts and emotions about everything under the sun....... and most of it was boring as hell. It was normally a case of browsing for 30 secs and then zooming off to the next Blog.

I hope peeps don't think mine is as boring as that......... some of it is pretty negative with moans and groans (normally about the driving here in Malaysia), but I think I've been getting better......... yes?........ no?........ answers and comments e-mailed to me *grin*.

Anyhoo, back to the point (there's a point???)....... some of these Blogs were taking pains to try and explain just who they are and going into all this Psychology stuff trying to justify why they do drugs, why they sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry...... and they just don't seem to get it. Neither do I but at least I'm trying to understand.

My best source of understanding who I am, is my kids. I can have a real shitty day, I can have a near murderous drive on the roads here (it would be me doing the murder by the way, to the next local idiot who thinks its OK to swerve out in front of me without indicating and without looking)......... *deep breath, count to ten*................... OK I'm back now, the black mist has gone....................

Where was I??

My kids, oh yeah.......... I can have a bad day etc etc yadadada, but when I get home, and get greeted by cries of "Daddy" and then seeing two small forms rushing at me, grabbing my legs and hugging me, all the shit that has happened don't mean shit.

All that matters................ and who I am, is there in front of me, in the form of a young girl and a young boy. I helped to create them...... I am making them into people....... and to tell the truth, they are one of the few things keeping me sane, and making me feel really alive.



SECOND, SOME HOBBY STUFF

Got a lot going on, in terms of my hobby.

Became an official Playtester for Dark Age Games. This will add to my Demoing activities for them. Haven't heard from Ian at Hetzerdog for a while (I also Playtest for them) - better give him a buzz and see wots happening.

Got to write a review of a new(ish) game for Your Move Games. Its a miniatures game without the miniatures........ "Battleground", a tabletop wargame where the units are represented by cards rather than groups of miniatures. Its got good feedback and looks interesting, so should be interesting to play and review.......... plus I'm getting some free stuff from them to base the review on. Can't be bad!!!

Currently painting up my Italian "Flames of War" army, damn slow........... assembling my "Heresy" Tunnel Dweller - luvverly model and perfect for a Nurgle Demon Prince........ what else?????

Oh yeah, finally getting round to finishing off my DBA New Kingdom Egyptians (after 2 years WIP) and also my first HOTT army.

Happy New Year to all those who read this ramblings. 2006 will see more frequent entries (I promise), and a much more positive attitude (but no promises regarding Malaysian Driving postings *grin*)

Cheers y'all

Shinobi